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This entry was posted on January 23, 2008 at 1:37 am and is filed under Apple, lecture. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.
January 23, 2008 at 1:33 pm |
I love David Lynch.
But I also love my iphone.
Conflicts. I has dem.
January 23, 2008 at 1:53 pm |
We all have our inner battles to fight. Mine is with Creplor, the three-headed badger demon. I like badgers. I hate heads. Demons? Eh, I could go either way.
January 23, 2008 at 1:55 pm |
David Lynch is nuttier than chinese chicken salad. I love how Angry! he is.
I love my iPhone too – it doesn’t seem wise to watch anything more sophisticated than a crappy youtube video on it.
January 23, 2008 at 1:59 pm |
Yeah, I probably won’t be watching “Atonement” on it.
Actually, I watched Atonement this past weekend… ehh.
I only give it props for creative use of the c-word, but that’s about it.
Oh, and Hillary, do you not agree that it’s completely annoying when a movie shows someone growing up from childhood to old age and they have the SAME EXACT HAIRCUT?! Like, it’s going to confuse the audience if their hair changes throughout the years?
January 23, 2008 at 2:17 pm |
Though I’m sure that recently this subject has been tackled by more stand-up comedians than “airport security,” I still have to say I can’t understand the appeal of matchbook-sized video of any subject, at any time. Especially when the disparity in quality is magnified exponentially by the proliferation of HDTV and even consumer HDCAM for home-movies. I suppose you could watch YouTube crap on your phone … but why watch YouTube crap at all? I posted my old “Meter” stuff on YouTube more out of a feeling of obligation that I should “at least have it out there since I put in the effort,” than actually caring if anyone ever saw it. (Particularly since, thanks to the wonders of YouTube’s 5-pixel technology, it looks and sounds like it was shot on a Fisher-Price camera.)
If you’re that addicted to YouTube that you have to be able to access it everywhere … (or addicted to other mindless “video content” like CNN because it “keeps you informed.” CNN is barely a step above “Access Hollywood,” and only half as tenacious) … anyway, if so, then you have some SERIOUS fucking issues. And this is ME saying that. Regardless, I think that most psychiatrists would agree you’d be better off developing a heroin habit, though that’s probably because most psychiatrists sell heroin. Well, they sell the samples. The pushers bring by samples and swag stamped with their personal “brands,” and the psychiatrists sell it to the parents of kids with ADHD. At least that’s what Tom Cruise tells me. He’s got the shiniest teeth! They shine the light of truth on all of Xenu’s lies! You go, Maverick!
January 23, 2008 at 2:41 pm |
Caitlin – I was totally thinking that about little bob-hair girl in Atonement. I guess having someone call them by their name to identify them is far too confusing.
Did ya see There Will Be Blood yet? Ooooh Oooh! See it! There is a same-hair-as-adult character but it’s a guy so it’s not as much as an issue.
January 23, 2008 at 3:05 pm |
Wait, you paid to see, “ATONEMENT”?! A Kiera Knightly film? WTF is wrong with you?! She has four expressions: lips pursed, lips unpursed, lips slightly pursed, and lips retracted to reveal razor-sharp snaggleteeth (whether in fear or joy, I’ve yet to tell). But really, another romantic costume drama from the Jane Austen set? For all the complaints about fan-boys and comic-book adaptations ruining cinema, this type of pretentious, overwrought, bosom-pounding, knickers-dampening drek isn’t exactly the type of fare that’s going to bring adults back to the theaters. Particularly because, though they’re remaking the same stories over and over, they have yet to “surpass the artistic gauntlet laid down by the legendary Masterpiece Theater so many moons ago.” I’d put most of the ones I’ve seen, including the earlier, non-suckass Merchant-Ivory productions (“The Remains of the Day,” as I remember, was actually quite good, though that was a different animal entirely — an existential meditation on class and identity, and Anthony Hopkins’ character had to constantly fight off boners, not revel in them) … Anyway, I’d put the current crop’s quality somewhere between “Lifetime” and “The USA network.” Ralph Fiennes did play a magnificently histrionic Heathcliff in the latter’s version of “Wuthering Heights,” … or wait, was that TNT? Or TBS? Christ, I get them all confused. I just know there were men in tight britches clenching their thighs to their majestic steeds as they raced across the misty moors on dark and stormy nights to reach once-spurned ladies, whom were expiring presently due to either broken hearts and/or consumption. Yet each would hang on, if only to hear Lord Puddingbottom profess his love to her one last time before passing gently in his strong arms, arms that had yet to work a single day — the sign of a true gentleman. Then the denouement — a weak, yet magnanimous, smile to assure him of her forgiveness; he chokes back tears as he offers his soft kiss of thanks only to pull back and see … she’s already gone! Finally she’s at peace with the sweet embrace of her other lover, death! Now the thunderous, rhythmic drumming of a Carnival Cruise Lines commercial! The one with Iggy Pop’s “Lust for Life.” Come on, it’s the one about heroin addiction? It was in “Trainspotting,” which was really just the updated prequel to “Atonement.” Anyway, knowing that most ad execs are steeped in the classics, and try to tie their ads into the programming they sponsor, you can be sure that’s why they chose to put that ad on … the bittersweet agony of Iggy Pop’s ironic anthem juxtaposed over shots of smiling happy couples dramatically mirrored the final irony of Eliot Puddingbottom — only when faced by her imminent demise, did he realize the foolishness of spurning lower-class Mildred Ovary … of denying his overwhelming love for her! And all for what? The approval of his horrible mother? That cow?!
Anyway, I won’t suffer Puddingbottom’s fate! I for one am journeying post-haste upon the giant white metaphor, “Pacific Princess!” to magical destinations unknown! Fear not for me. Fear for yourselves, as you’ve all spurned your fated, true loves, metaphoric or not, that were destined since before time! Unless, of course, your true-love is: “spending every free moment watching matchbook-sized video of epic costume-dramas” … or, obviously, grainy footage of people getting kicked in the balls.
Well, at least Eliot and Mildred had that one, brief moment of true happiness at the end. She can cling to that in the fires of Hell. (She was an unmarried harlot after all.) And Eliot truly must have loved her, for he held her tight; the stink of her disease would have overpowered a man with lesser convictions. Then again, everyone smelled pretty bad back then. See, that’s when I would have wanted an iPhone. To avoid Emma’s b.o.
January 23, 2008 at 3:19 pm |
Promises, promises. I will see “There Will Be Blood,” when there actually IS blood, and not a moment before.
January 23, 2008 at 4:28 pm |
Joe, the appeal of Keira Knightley eludes me as well, whether she’s heaving her bosom at Johnny Depp, Orlando Bloom or the Scottish dude from Last King of Scotland (no! I don’t mean Forrest Whitaker, silly!!!!)
People keep telling me I should like her but, you know how people are.
Fuckin’ people.
January 23, 2008 at 4:44 pm |
I’ve always wondered why she didn’t have a bosom. And that explains it. She’s heaved her bosom at those swashbucklers! Nevertheless, I still wonder if she ever had one, because in those rare instances that she didn’t look like a slightly-fleshier version of her CGI skeleton co-stars (no, not Orlando Bloom, the “ghost pirates”) and she actually had what one might refer to as “cleavage,” (though I’d call it a “chest cavity”), even then, said bosom seemed very CGI. But there’s me being shallow … thinking that a starlet should make up for her lack of talent with an inverse amount of sexual beauty, otherwise, why shouldn’t the producers just hire the next waitress they encounter? Oh, that’s right, because the waitress’ family isn’t already rich, connected and/or in the business. Wow, see the hidden truths one discovers by simply talking about bosoms? Now I’m starting to get it.
January 23, 2008 at 5:10 pm |
Joe, your comments are longer than Atonement.
January 23, 2008 at 5:32 pm |
I think K-Kni is super beautiful, even though she has zero boobies. Plus, I feel for any woman with snaggle teeth, as I myself have them… SNIFFLE.
January 23, 2008 at 6:00 pm |
Yeah, seriously, they seem to really scare the guys away. Now that I think of it, I don’t remember a guy ever hitting on you … I mean, after you smile. It’s too bad, because you have such a great personality. But hey, this way you know that Ilja isn’t all about looks. He’s into you for YOU. (Either that, or he’s got some sort of horrible, disgusting-teeth fetish. But that’s highly unlikely, unless … Does he have a lot of photos of British women from the late 18th century? The “Big Book of British Smiles,” perhaps?)
January 23, 2008 at 6:54 pm |
Har, har.
“Freshen ya drink for ya, gov’nah?!”